I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize