apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
