On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
is this the sara with the beer cane?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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