marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
