i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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