Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
