I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have so many feelings about this burrito
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
