Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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