hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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