everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
