you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
