I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
