I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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