You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Found your dick twin last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
