I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
