my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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