Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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