last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Randomize
