I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
