kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
