I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we're so committed to being not committed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
