I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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