she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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