I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
