so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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