I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
not ubering you a puppy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
