Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
