wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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