Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
