nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
