just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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