so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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