I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
