Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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