I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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