If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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