??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Randomize
