i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
