By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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