Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How does one acquire holy water?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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