do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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