areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
