Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize