My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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