chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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