shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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