She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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