im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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