my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When are your genitals available?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize