my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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