am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
