Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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