Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize