I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
