Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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