i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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