He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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