my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
