Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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