All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
