whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
