You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
