Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
