Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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