walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
