Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
