so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
