Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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