I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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